[S1E9] Welcome Aliens
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Hawthorne says that Sahar won't tell anyone, that she swore to Allah, and Vanderspeigle, not underestanding, cries "Allah knows?! How many people have you told?" Hawthorne lets in Sahar, who asks if he's trying to cut her out. She says she made the truce happen and she wants in. Vanderspeigle calls her "pushy" and she tells him to get used to strong women. She asks what he's hiding and Hawthorne explains about the "radio." She asks why he can't just go home on spaceship and when he looks troubled, she realizes "They took it." She suggests that it must be the government, that they're after him, and that it's probably the Men in Black. She explains them as being a top-secret agency that monitors alien activity on Earth. He says he's not worried, that once he fixes his radio, they won't be a problem. He says he's just missing a part and she suggests the hardware store, but he says that unless she knows someone who's been in contact with other aliens, then he's "shit out of luck." She threatens to wash his mouth out with soap if he doesn't stop swearing in front of them, but he says that he likes eating soap. Hawthorne then tells him he knows where he can go if he wants to find alien stuff.
Vanderspeigle exits his cabin and walks to his truck. Twelvetrees asks just where he is going and he tells her that he needs to get a missing piece for his radio. She shouts that he is not driving with one leg, only for her to see that it has already grown back. He says he has to go and she tells him that even as a pretend doctor, he has to know that the medication stays in his system. He tells her he just took more and will be fine, then spins around, asking "which one is my truck?" Hearing this and realizing that Vanderspeigle is in no condition to drive, Twelvetrees orders him to give her the keys, saying that she will drive, asking where they are going. Their destination, it turns out, is a convention hall with a banner reading "UFO CON, Dulce, NM" and "WELCOME ALIENS." Seeing costumed characters, Vanderspeigle comments that his people are not a costume. "Welcome to my life," she tells him. They enter and Twelvetrees comments that it's kind of cool she's there with an actual alien. They head to a panel, "Ancient Aliens," with the speaker Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. Vanderspeigle likes what the guy is saying. They visit various booths and another panel, "Lunar Lies," but Vanderspeigle tells Twelvetrees that the astronauts did land on the moon and then had their bodies taken over by aliens. They visit a panel about various alien species, with Vanderspeigle giving commentary on each one to Twelvetrees.
Back at the convention, Twelvetrees and Vanderspeigle attend an alien experiencer panel. Twelvetrees asks just what he's looking for and he replies that he'll know when he sees it. The panel is hosted by a man named Peter Bach, who calls himself "the Alien Tracker." He says he has a special skillset that makes aliens fear him and that he had his encounter. He demonstrates a shock device which he says he would use if he actually found an alien. He offers his panel as a safe forum for people to share their experiences. A number of people share their stories, Vanderpseigle looking dubious at their claims at best. He turns to share a witticism with Twelvetrees, only to find her gone. He then hears her voice, coming from the stage. She details her own moment, in which she saw a fire in the sky a few months ago after running out from her husband. She calls it a guiding light that gave her strength to move on and that months later, she came into contact with the occupant of the UFO, and something about him made her feel safe and not alone. She tells the group that she knows it isn't what they have experienced, but to trust her that based on her encounter, she doesn't think they're monsters, that some are there to do good. Her speech seems to move the audience, who applauds, but Vanderspeigle thinks to himself, "Nope." Back in Patience, Mayor Ben Hawthorne expresses his surprise at Abigail having been the murderer. He congratulates Thompson, but Thompson isn't so quick to take credit this time. Hawthorne leaves and a melancholy Thompson picks up Baker's deputy badge and taps it on the table.
At The 59, D'Arcy Bloom greets Jay, offering her a drink and Jay points out that she's not even 18 yet. Bloom claims that she was simply offering her juice and Jay explains that she's actually there to interview her about the rescue. Bloom isn't really into it, saying that people don't have to put her on a pedestal, but Jay replies that she's only doing it for extra credit. "In that case..." agrees Bloom, telling her to ask away. Jay begins with her past as an Olympic skier, asking her if she considers herself a fallen hero. Bloom replies that she doesn't know, saying that she thought the interview was supposed to be about the rescue. Jay says she's just establishing background and moves on, asking her about her bandaged hand and arm. She explains that she fractured it when she fell down the crevasse and Jay asks about this. Bloom asks just what she thought happened and Jay is stunned that she climbed so far with her hand the way it was. Bloom explains that she knew any rescue effort would be too late with the storm the way it was and Jay is stunned to learn her mother could have died, seeming to finally realize the gravity of the situation. She says that she'll take the juice when suddenly Judy Cooper bursts into the bar, hugging Bloom and sobbing that she almost lost her. Back at the convention, a woman speaks of having been abducted by aliens, who put something in her and are following her. She holds up an x-ray and Vanderspeigle is finally interested, thinking this is the alien technology he needs.
Back at the convention, Twelvetrees runs interference, trying to get a selfie with Bach. Vanderspeigle, meanwhile, ends up with Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, telling him he needs to hide from the alien tracker. Tsoukalos tells him he has no problem hiding aliens and Vanderspeigle recognizes him as the "hair guy" who knows about ancient monuments. At the Hawthornes, Casper enters Max's room. She roots through his drawers and tries to access his laptop, only to be annoyed when she is stymied by a login screen. She discovers pictures that Max drew of Vanderspeigle back when he still feared him, then finds Max's piece of Vanderspeigle's spaceship hidden in a candy box. She pockets the piece as Kate enters the room, asking what she's doing there. She claims that she's upset about not being able to have kids and she just wanted to see what Max's room looked like. Kate tells her to keep trying, that women are having children much older now. She tells her that she's not the problem, that it's actually Richard. Kate tells her that she can babysit Max whenever she wants. She agrees that she'll take good care of them. Back at the convention, Vanderspeigle munches on fruit and listens to Tsoukalos, telling him he should be on television, they saying he has to go. At the Hawthornes, Ben shows "Richard" his candle-making workshop, saying that he finds it relaxing and helps with the pressures of being mayor. He explains about the Hodges murder, that it was the first in Patience since the 1800s. He continues that he had always wanted to say "not on my watch," but the truth is that it was on his watch. At The 59, Bloom and Judy are now playing pool and she tells her that everyone's talking about her like she's a big hero, except for the people whose lives she actually saved, who are ignoring her. She says that she should be hanging out with her friend and Judy replies that she's her friend, that they're closer than her and Twelvetrees. Bloom continues that it simply bothers her that she can't get a hold of them, that she's been texting all day and it's freaking her out, that something could have happened to her. Judy agrees that it could be the case, that she could be dead. Bloom asks how this is supposed to help. Just then, a man announces karaoke, saying that first up is Liv Baker. Baker performs "Wind Beneath My Wings" and Sheriff Thompson enters the bar. To everyone's surprise, he joins her in the song, performing the line "So I was the one with all the glory." "What the hell is happening?" wonders Bloom and the two continue the song, Thompson opening his hand to reveal the deputy's badge and the song becoming a duet as he gets down on one knee. Baker accepts the badge, saying that she's Deputy again.
"Unless you know someone who has been in contact with other aliens, than I am... what is the expression? 'Shit out of luck'.""If you don't stop using that kinda language around us, we're gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap.""Go ahead. I like soap. I eat it all the time. Shit. Ass. Piss. Stink. Where's the soap? I am so hungry."- Harry Vanderspeigle and Sahar
Alien Abduction: We learn that aliens do abduct people, and once even took an unborn baby from its mother's womb somehow. At a UFO conference numerous people talk about being abducted and other encounters with aliens. Given this, at least some of their accounts are probably true. All Myths Are True: Harry confirms to Asta at the UFO conference all the reported aliens do exist (his people didn't get seen before apparently). As Himself: Giorgio A. Tsoukalos (of Ancient Aliens fame) is at the alien convention that Harry and Asta attend. Bathroom Search Excuse: Lisa asks to use the "powder room" as an excuse to sneak off and search Max's room. Chekhov's Gun: In "The Green Glow," when Harry again broke into Max's room, Max told him that he couldn't just sneak in there and that he was going to install cameras. In this episode, we see that sure enough, he did install cameras, except that instead of capturing Harry on camera, they instead capture Lisa Casper going through his stuff and finding the piece of Harry's spaceship hidden in a candy box. "Eureka!" Moment: Sheriff Mike Thompson finally has one regarding the murder of Dr. Sam Hodges. It was his wife who murdered him with Botulinum toxin, as his wife runs a nail and hair salon that uses plenty of Botulinum for cosmetics, and she poisoned her husband Sam with it because she was having an affair and wanted to separate from him. He checks her call logs and finds numerous calls to the guy she was having an affair with well before Sam Hodges's death. He then promptly goes to the salon to find Abigail Hodges, explains out her motives and arrests her. Even Evil Has Standards: Harry is hellbent on the genocide of the human race, but even he's disgusted by The Greys abducting humans. He uses the term "insidious assholes" to describe the Greys, and does not take well to Peter Bach calling him a Grey. Fan Convention: Max sends Harry and Asta to a UFO convention in New Mexico. The Greys: They don't appear other than in mimicking art form made by people for the Alien Convention, but they are responsible for having getting Harry attacked by a vengeful alien-hunting man who blames aliens for the abduction of his son. From this episode we see that the Greys can freeze time and abduct humans including a human fetus in its third trimester right out of their mother's womb. Harry also explains that the Greys install microchips into other life forms as tracking devices, with one chip having the capacity to restore Harry's Doomsday Device. Groin Attack: The supposed female abductee does so to Harry when he tries to cut an "implant" out of her arm. (In truth, there is no implant and the woman was lying about having been abducted.) Handshake Refusal: The sheriff refuses to shake hands with the mayor. Humanoid Aliens: Harry gives Asta a running commentary on what many of these kinds of aliens are like: The Greys (Insidious assholes). The Arcturians (Jerks. So cheap). The Little Green Men: Harry says they're very cute. The Mantis (One of them owes Harry money). The Blue Avians (They're actually very nice). I Lied: One woman who claims to have been abducted by The Greys and had a microchip put into her arm explains her encounter at the Alien Convention along with an X-ray of her neck. Harry, needing that chip for his device and ship, stalks her and tries to cut it out with a knife. The woman panicking for her life admits to Harry that she made up the story just for publicity (though after Harry confirms that the Greys do indeed microchip and abduct humans, there is a possibility she could've been honest). Harry buys it, giving her enough time to knee him and run away then try to rat him out to the security guards - who refuse to budge. Insane Troll Logic: Peter Bach tells Harry that he can't allow Harry to remove the micro-chip that The Greys installed in his neck because Bach says that when the Greys return for him, then Bach might have a chance of reuniting with his son whom he never saw. Harry is confused for a few seconds wondering what makes Bach think the Greys will return, then tells him the Greys only wanted his son and that the chip the Greys put in him is merely a migration tracking device. He then extracts the chip out of Bach's neck. Instant Birth: Just Add Labor!: Played with in the opening Alien Abduction scene. The woman breaks water right before her baby is being taken from her womb. Internal Reveal: D'arcy finds the real Harry's body in the freezer (by breaking into his basement). Irony: One woman at the Alien Convention had a microchip put into her arm by aliens. She then goes to take a photo pretending to dissect a Grey alien. Later on, Harry explains that the Greys are the "insidious assholes" who go around abducting people and putting tracking chips into them, thus that woman was an experiment of the Greys herself. Karaoke Bonding Scene: Sheriff Mike joins his ex-Deputy Liv's rendition of "Wing Beneath My Wings," eventually dropping to one knee to offer her her badge back. She says yes. The Men in Black: Sahar asks Harry why he doesn't simply fly away from his spaceship and realizes from the look on his face that the government took it. She tells him that it could be any of a number of agencies, but that it's probably the Men in Black, though they're not all men and don't all wear black. He asks why they're called that then and she replies that it sounds better than "People in Clothes." Later, said "Men in Black" (Lisa Casper and David Logan) have dinner with Max's parents, posing as a married couple who are having problems having children and Lisa Casper sneaks into Max's room and discovers his piece of Harry's spaceship. Later, Max returns home and sees the incident on a recording on his computer. Miranda Rights: Sheriff Mike Thompson arrests Abigail Hodges for the murder of her husband, Dr. Sam Hodges and reads her rights as follows: "Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You got the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, I'd be surprised because this salon is bangin'." Misplaced Retribution: Peter Bach, an old man actively hunting aliens, attacks Harry thinking he had something to do with aliens abducting his unborn son. Harry tells him the Greys did that, not his kind. Mistaken for Afterlife: When Harry regains consciousness under a blanket on the sofa of his cabin, the influence of the morphine makes him believe to be in human heaven.. which he detests."Why does the afterlife look like a crappy cabin?" Non-Indicative Name: Harry gets confused after Max and Sahar tell him that The Men in Black don't necessarily dress in black, with some being women. This confuses him, naturally, so he asks why they're called that. Sahar retorts that it's cooler than saying "people in clothes". Real Person Cameo: Yup, that's Giorgio Tsoukalos at the UFO convention. Revealing Hug: Lisa Casper smiles knowingly when she hugs Max's mother while assuring her to "take such good care" of Max. Soap Punishment: Sahar threatens Harry with this if he doesn't stop swearing around her and Max. He tells her that he likes eating soap and swears a whole bunch more, telling her to bring it on. Special Guest: Terry O'Quinn gets the special guest billing for his role as Peter Bach. Status Quo Is God: Sheriff Mike reunites with Liv and reinstates her as Deputy, making up to her for his abrasive behavior that was what made her quit the police force. The Tell: Darcy can tell when Asta is lying. You Monster!: Peter Bach shouts "You're a monster!" at Harry for cutting the tracking device that the Greys implanted in him, robbing him of his last, albeit misguided, hope that they would return for him and he would get to see his child. For his part, Harry seems nonplussed, thinking to himself that there are no monsters and that beings do what they must to survive. 781b155fdc